Two years ago was the last time I shared anything publicly. I have shared some events about my life on social media but I have held back from sharing any of my personal writings. Times are different now and I have grown into a different person.
My world used to have a much larger circle around myself and I know that I gave my time to others but at the same time my whole life was based around speaking about myself. I did not do it for selfish reasons. I did it to help others by sharing my story, but I realized at one point that I had to stop sharing the past and move forward so that I could live in the present.
So in April 2019, I decided to hang up that chapter of my life and give up speaking for a while and search for something new to speak about. I had written a self-help book in January. I thought this was the next chapter. I was on the verge of publishing it and even after it was finalized and edited I started reading it over and over and it was way too self-centered. A book I promised for free I just decided to let be forgotten. But then what now? I fell into a downhill spiral and I was completely lost.
This lack of purpose led me to once again struggle with my mental illness in the summer of 2019 which eventually led me back home to live with my parents near Akron, Ohio. At first it felt like a prison sentence. I would wander around the neighborhood in my wheelchair listening to music on those hot summer days living a very meaningless lifestyle. But above all, I was just trying to get better. Although, it was hard to see the progression. The mania withheld and I became withdrawn from my friends and family. Then, out of nowhere, I met the best friend of my life.
The circumstances were bizarre of how we met but she was right around the corner and Emily became someone I could confide in every single day. As I spewed my outlandish thoughts and beliefs she was just there to listen. She saw through my mental illness and saw the good in me. She treated me exactly how you should treat someone that is struggling in this way. She helped me come out the other side.
Soon enough, I was back on course and I was living in reality. My parents and my family trusted me again. They trusted me because they trusted Emily and she was there to make sure I was doing the right thing. I was allowed to drive again and my independence returned. My life came back but this time I realized that my life was made up of family and love. Those were the two things most important to me now. I established a relationship with Emily and from that day forward I never left her side. She also did so much to care for me. She gave me the world and I promised to do the same for her.
We went from one home to the next until we decided to buy a home. Now she sits beside me in our new home and never gets far away. It’s been like this for almost two years now. Never wanting to be away like two magnets stuck together. I wouldn’t want it any other way.